Jerry Lawler, King Cobra, race baiting and an office chair

"King Cobra wants another match with Lawler after losing the title. Heel Lawler laughs at Cobra."

The Ballad of Keith Larson

Killer Tim Brooks is happier than a pig in slop

In a break from the last few posts, here is something quite excellent indeed.

Where Bobo Brazil buys chitlins

Let's just say Bob Luce and Bobo Brazil bring contrasting energies to this promotional spot.

El Satanico transforms Rencor Latino into EL AVERNO~!

One from the perpetually bizarre world of Lucha Libre, or Mexican wrestling.

I am a fan of Averno, but did not realise he was erm, created in such a way.

Quite possibly the greatest thing ever

Yet sadly, I cannot embed it.

Tsch.

Anyway, go here: "AHH! It's NOT hot!"

New Breed talk about meeting Transformers

The New Breed were around in the mid-to-late 1980's. They claimed to be from the future, the year 2002 precisely.

In this interview they talk about riding SPACE CYCLES and a meeting with the DECEPTICONS, as though they were real creatures.

They also invent new words, such as "disinvigourated"

Sadly, 2002 has long gone and no trace of the New Breed were to be found. Nor Tekno Team 2000.

The British Bulldog is BIZARRE.

The Dingo Warrior cuts a promo on Rick Rude

Before there was the Ultimate Warrior, there was the Dingo Warrior.

Which was the Ultimate Warrior, minus all the parts that made the character interesting or exciting.

EXCEPT for the wacky soundbites.

Here, Mr Warrior informs Mr Rude that he is going to remove his arms then use Mr Rude's own arms to induce vomiting from Mr Rude, culminating in Mr Rude being forced to write "Dingo" in his own sputum some 500 times.


As we say in our little corner of the world, "Crikey".

Poem: "The Jobber"

Originally published in the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, 8th August, 1988.


The Jobber
I was at home with my wife watching TV,
When the telephone rang and the call was for me.
That very next night in Nashville, Tennessee
They wanted me to do a job on national TV.

I'd make $65, the going rate for chumps,
It was clearly understood that I'd be taking all the bumps,
So I told their stooge that I would be there,
He said "thanks very much," but I knew he didn't care.

Got all of my gear and packed my bag,
That ride the next day would be such a drag,
Left my house at four so I wouldn't be late,
Then started hauling ass up the interstate.

Stopped at a store to hear, "which one are you?"
Those idiot marks just didn't have a clue,
If I was Hogan or Savage, they wouldn't have to ask,
But I'm only a jobber, with a lowly wrestling task.

Arrived at the building and walked to the stage door,
And got cussed out by a rat, such a pitiful whore,
As I headed to the heels dressing room,
My ego felt shattered, for a faced certain doom.

Strut into the room and forced a fake smile,
"How ya been doing brother, haven't seen you in a while,"
Found me a spot and started getting ready
I was sweating like hell but my nerves held steady.

Up walked the booker to give me the finish,
As I felt my pride so painfully diminish,
He wanted us to do the "old Pearl Harbor,"
The face would make the comeback, I'd end up the jobber.

Then the bell rang, my match was up first,
I was suddenly stricken with a bad case of thirst,
"First match get out there," the bookers' voice did hiss
I was busy taking my third nervous piss.

So I stomped to the ring to the sound of jeers,
Then out waltzed the baby to a round of rousing cheers,
I'm a pretty tough dude who can kick some bass,
Too bad I don't fit in with the front office brass.

I'd take decs and D-Bol and some Winstrol V,
If only the pencil would do something with me,
My name was announced to the deafening boos,
As I envied my opponent, cause he wasn't gonna lose.

All went as planned, and well, "that was that,"
My shoulders got pinned in the middle of the mat,
TV matches are short, and this was no exception,
I stormed back to the room feeling total dejection.

Took a hot shower and washed off the seat,
I'd be back on the road, they'd be taking a jet,
Said bye to the boys and then to the booker,
I had turned my trick like a 300 pound hooker.

Oh how I wanted that booker to clobber,
But had to keep my cool, I was only a jobber,
Don't get me wrong, no apology was needed,
I made the babyface look good, so I totally succeeded.

Drove back down the interstate guzzling a beer,
Would I always be a jobber, what an agonizing fear?
But deep down I know all that really matters, you see,
Is that I play my role well, and am very proud of me.

Who can doubt the genius of Mr. Paul Christy?

Mr. Paul Christy, in his first and LAST appearance on WWF's "Tuesday Night Titans" TV show, after imbibing several alcoholic beverages, attempts to combine the disciplines of professional wrestling, magic tricks and hypnotism. He does not succeed. OR DOES HE?

And he owns many apartment buildings.



....and interviewed by perennial World's heavyweight champion, Lou Thesz in this segment. A segment where Mr Christy talks about how to handle a lady, it's okay to elbow her, but don't go hitting her. Then he imitates the Crusher by munching the microphone.

More promo gold

Chief Thunder Mountain and his Native American gutter mouth.


Flapjack Norton eats pancakes!


That's his boy~! His boy he can't remember the name of~!


The best thing about this promo is Don Koss' interview suit. Oh and Scott Doring's lack of neck!


AND NOW


FOR SOMETHING


COMPLETELY BETTER


IT'S.....

DA CRUSHER!!!





BABA IS A COOLIE!

Don Muraco eating donuts

DESCRIPTION FROM YOUTUBE: "WWF promo from the 80s...Don Muraco and Ken Patera talk about their training regimens...Don Muraco's involves donuts."

COMMENT FROM YOURS TRULY: Mr Muraco, you are a great man.

SOME PROMOS OF GOOD

A lot of people ask me, "where do you guys get the idea for your promos?"

I reply, "It's PRO WRESTLING."

They offer a blank look.

So here, are SOME WACKY WRESTLING PROMOS - good, terrible, good and terrible at the same time.



"JUMPING" JEFF FARMER





"BRUISER" BRIAN COX (he's ok....no he's not)




BROTHER MIDNIGHT & "SWEET DADDY" CADILLAC




BROTHER MIDNIGHT vs THE TULIP~!




KEN PATERA (watch Mean Gene laugh)




LEX LUGER (vs. a t-shirt)





JAKE ROBERTS (watch the interviewer recoil from his boozy breath)




AND... a look back at some of the highlights of THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR~!