The Monster vs Mario Valenzuela

DESCRIPTION FROM YOUTUBE: "Very early 82' L.A wrestling"

COMMENT FROM YOURS TRULY: Another of those "often discussed, rarely seen" gimmicks, The Monster was a misguided, wrong-footed and short-lived attempt to revive the ailing Los Angeles promotion run by Mike LeBelle. Winner of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter's inaugural "Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic", The Monster was introduced with a series of vignettes and hype claiming that this wrestler was a genuine Frankenstein's monster, made in a lab from parts of cadavers. The only thing dead in the end was the promotion itself, shortly after the Monster disappeared.

Poem: "The Jobber"

Originally published in the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, 8th August, 1988.


The Jobber
I was at home with my wife watching TV,
When the telephone rang and the call was for me.
That very next night in Nashville, Tennessee
They wanted me to do a job on national TV.

I'd make $65, the going rate for chumps,
It was clearly understood that I'd be taking all the bumps,
So I told their stooge that I would be there,
He said "thanks very much," but I knew he didn't care.

Got all of my gear and packed my bag,
That ride the next day would be such a drag,
Left my house at four so I wouldn't be late,
Then started hauling ass up the interstate.

Stopped at a store to hear, "which one are you?"
Those idiot marks just didn't have a clue,
If I was Hogan or Savage, they wouldn't have to ask,
But I'm only a jobber, with a lowly wrestling task.

Arrived at the building and walked to the stage door,
And got cussed out by a rat, such a pitiful whore,
As I headed to the heels dressing room,
My ego felt shattered, for a faced certain doom.

Strut into the room and forced a fake smile,
"How ya been doing brother, haven't seen you in a while,"
Found me a spot and started getting ready
I was sweating like hell but my nerves held steady.

Up walked the booker to give me the finish,
As I felt my pride so painfully diminish,
He wanted us to do the "old Pearl Harbor,"
The face would make the comeback, I'd end up the jobber.

Then the bell rang, my match was up first,
I was suddenly stricken with a bad case of thirst,
"First match get out there," the bookers' voice did hiss
I was busy taking my third nervous piss.

So I stomped to the ring to the sound of jeers,
Then out waltzed the baby to a round of rousing cheers,
I'm a pretty tough dude who can kick some bass,
Too bad I don't fit in with the front office brass.

I'd take decs and D-Bol and some Winstrol V,
If only the pencil would do something with me,
My name was announced to the deafening boos,
As I envied my opponent, cause he wasn't gonna lose.

All went as planned, and well, "that was that,"
My shoulders got pinned in the middle of the mat,
TV matches are short, and this was no exception,
I stormed back to the room feeling total dejection.

Took a hot shower and washed off the seat,
I'd be back on the road, they'd be taking a jet,
Said bye to the boys and then to the booker,
I had turned my trick like a 300 pound hooker.

Oh how I wanted that booker to clobber,
But had to keep my cool, I was only a jobber,
Don't get me wrong, no apology was needed,
I made the babyface look good, so I totally succeeded.

Drove back down the interstate guzzling a beer,
Would I always be a jobber, what an agonizing fear?
But deep down I know all that really matters, you see,
Is that I play my role well, and am very proud of me.

Phantasio - the pirate of men's pants

Phantasio WWF Debut
Uploaded by TSteck160. - Basketball, baseball, pro wrestling and more sports videos.

Phantasio is what happens when you take a gimmick that works in Memphis (The Spellbinder, an evil magician character) and you put him on a bigger stage and try to "pep" up the idea a bit. So instead of just a wrestler who dabbles in the dark arts, you have a guy pulling silver string out of his mouth and winning matches by REMOVING HIS OPPONENT'S UNDIES.

His one and only televised appearance.

TA-GAR Lord of the Volcano

DESCRIPTION FROM YOUTUBE: "Maybe it's not the worst gimmick but it's gotta be up there. Ta-Gar: Lord of the Volcano debut video. He's a masked man that has flames coming out of his fingertips. He faces Bill Dundee in his debut. Ta-Gar only lasted a couple weeks in Memphis and i'm not sure who was under the mask."

COMMENT FROM YOURS TRULY: This is one of those gimmicks that i'd read about in my youth, had seen photos of, but never seen 'in action'. Safe to say, it does not disappoint.